A Dan Good Idea – Volume 1
Yes, I’m tattooed (5 and counting), I like spicy food, and I own a cat who wears a tuxedo 24/7. I’ve also almost died twice (white water rafting, and eating salad on cruise ship), had a near miss (riding motorcross – I swear that tree moved!), and I readily admit I’m a shirt whore (Tommy Hilfiger anyone??). I also believed I was Irish and Scottish, turns out I’m Newfie and Amish.
I do my best thinking between 3am and 4am, used to work for the Guelph mob (but didn’t know it when I was hired), and I have a rather extensive watch collection. I listen to heavy metal (who doesn’t??), but I also enjoy fine wine and Michael Buble (my wine coolers hold “just” 76 bottles).
I’ve broken 3 ribs, dropped an 8 pound sledge hammer on my head, and I won’t out loud admit it …but, yes… I do shave my head, due to a lack of growth.
I started driving snowmobiles at the age of 10, motorcycles at 12, cars at 13, and had both my first sport bike and sports car at 16. Yes, I do know what 260 on the 407 looks like, but I was late for work and I had to get around some trucks. Just, don’t ask how old I was when I did it, because my answer will be “Old enough to know god-damn better!”. Which, surprisingly, is the same phrase my wife said to the poison control centre, when I was too drunk to crawl up the stairs…I think, I’m not quite sure to be honest. The best part of that weekend was the next morning – I couldn’t have a shower, the water hurt too much so I wound up having a bath (in the fetal position) instead. Oh, and what happened to the pumpkin costume that night???
I know a fair bit about construction (my dad used to build custom homes), I know what it feels like when you cut a live wire (stupid electrician got the wrong breaker marked), and I know everything you need to know about plumbing (hot on the left, cold on the right, sh*t doesn’t run uphill). I’m also in the middle of (kids…jump to the next paragraph) finalizing the plans to build a room in our century home that’s going to put 50 Shades of Grey to shame. Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus, and he’s going to see if you’re on his naughty list ;)…
I’ve been told I’m an advertisement for Canadian Tire camping – or, as some call it, “glamping”. Yes, I readily admit I’m only missing one piece of camping gear, a portable hot tub. I’ve also been told, “I love watching him think!”, “No-one thinks at the level that you do!”, as well as, “You never guess, you always make educated guesses.”. But, the most disturbing thing anyone has ever said to me is, “Can you engrave …Well dip my balls in sweet cream, and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens!!… on a wine glass?”.
I know what it means to think too much – I’ve driven to Toronto, Hamilton, and Back – only to realize at some point, “Hey, I’m passing Guleph again!”. I think so much I have to send reminders to myself about what I was just thinking on email or texts.
I’ve sat in a bath tub full of Saskatchewan moor mud (at Ste. Anne’s – NOT in Sask.), I purr when Jenn gives me a back scratch, I love The Far Side comic, I own a coffee pot that makes tea, and I don’t dance like nobody is watching. Well, that’s not necessarily true, I do dance (and sing sometimes) but usually only when nobody is watching, because I’m shy sometimes…
Having kidney stones sucks, Country music sucks more, and The Leafs suck more than both combined. If you drive a pickup truck with balls dangling off the end of a hitch, might I suggest your wife pickup some extra panties for you the next time she goes shopping. Real men don’t need to put their balls on display, real men cook for their wife and tell them everyday how much they love them, and how important they are to them. I have absolutely no idea, why married couples go on separate vacations.
I just thought I’d take this opportunity to introduce myself to you, and tell you …a little… about what I was thinking. To be honest, I had so much to say (based on what I was thinking) I had to separate my thoughts out into multiple posts…so stay tuned.
And of course, I’ll think of something else the moment I publish this…
…you’ve been warned!! 😉
(Volume:1 Edition:1) Restart…lol…